Eight Facelift Recomendations for Penn Station

The foulest place in New York is about to get the really expensive, really necessary facelift that we’ve all been not-so-subtly encouraging it to get for forever.

Governor Andrew Cuomo laid out a massive renovation plan for New York City’s busiest transportation hub earlier this month, and as a man of the people, I would like to humbly propose the following overhauls for Mr. Cuomo and the city of New York’s consideration:

1. More than 6 ticket machines that aren’t 50 miles apart.
2. An entirely separate, disposable Penn Station built every year for Santa Con. I don’t want to deal with them anymore.

Image: Richard Levine/Demotix/Corbis
4. Higher ceilings to ensure that every waking moment inside doesn’t feel like I’m receiving an MRI with 5,000 other people.

Image: Bebeto Matthews/AP/Corbis
5. Wouldn’t mind a little more natural light, but also any glimpse of humanity or hope would be nice.

Image: Mary Altaffer/Associated Press
6. Wider escalators.

Image: John Minchillo/Associated Press
7. Holiday travel that doesn’t turn everyone inside into an angry banshee.

Image: Kathy Willens/Associated Press
8. A waterslide!

Image: Tomas Rodriguez/Corbis